"Ancient" Wisdom and Beauty

It's the Sabbath day today and as such, I'm reflecting (of course lately when am I not reflecting?)!  Last night after another long day of feeling like a truck hit me from this cold virus, we decided to just pick up Chinese food for dinner from Shangri-La (not the mythical place of legand and lore, but the restaurant).

Shangri-La is in my old neighborhood.  I drove past my high school on the way to pick it up and I was immediately taken back to my first year of high school at age 16.  I was probably what one would have called a walking contradiction back then. 

As a teenager, most of the time I looked totally opposite as to what I felt inside.  I dressed in black, a lot of it, and wore Doc Marten boots.  If people didn't know me I am certain they thought I was a depressed, suicidal teen.  I wasn't....I just really liked the style and the music that went along with it.  Flash forward to my senior year and I had relaxed a bit...I morphed more into the "granola" look which was probably a more natural fit for a girl who hails from California who would rather live on the beach and be barefoot all the time.  I haven't changed much since then.  That was June of 1994 (yes, part of me refuses to grow up). 

I got stuck back in the mid 1990's for a while until we got home and sat down to eat.  I should say I tried to eat but wasn't all that hungry since I cannot smell anything for the life of me which kills my appetite (not that it'll hurt me to skip a meal).  After dinner, Mimi and I went for the fortune cookies (which she loves to just smash to death and throw away...the other kids tried to eat the crumbs).  I found it interesting that the fortune that I got in my fortune cookie ended up reading the following:

"The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances."

After I read that I had to laugh to myself about the time I had just spent remembering all those high school insecurities.  I started thinking about what looks and appearances actually mean.  Are they important?  Sure.  Would I like to look better at times?  Of course.  But does how I look make me who I am or make you who you are?  I spent so much time in high school wondering what people thought of me based on what I wore or how skinny I was, or wasn't.  Even today, as a mom at age 33 I have a lot of those same insecurities.  I have many girls who are my friends and who are in my family who I think of as supermodels (in fact, one actually is a supermodel)!  But to me, what makes them beautiful is how loving they are, how much they care about me and are there for me. 

I stopped and wondered why I can judge these girls on their outer beauty as well as their inner beauty but when it comes to myself, I only look at what is outside.  I was reading Nie Nie Dialogues the other day and it dawned on me what real beauty is.  It's so much more than skin deep, it is what radiates from one's soul. 

When you got married, did you ever ask yourself if your spouse would still adore you if in an accident and didn't "look" like the person they were marrying?  I neglected to spend a lot of time on that before I got married.  More importantly than would your spouse still love you if your looks were gone may be the question of would you be able to see yourself as beautiful even without looks or fashion, or money to support it?  

For my children, nothing is more important to me than developing their spirits.  I want my girls to know that while beauty is fun and plays a role, it's not what should be the source of their happiness.  For my son, I want him to learn that when he chooses a wife, to think about the kind of mother she will make, not just what he and his friends think about her looks.  While I teach them these things I need to try to remind myself to practice what I preach. 

Sunday's are so good for this kind of thing don't you think?  Praying and pondering is good for the soul.  I feel that it's only when the beauty inside matches or surpasses the beauty on the outside that one feels whole.  I have a long way to go, but by the time I'm 35 I want to actually believe that my spirit is beautiful from within, regardless of how I look on the outside.  

Anyone else with me?