Some Days

Let's be honest, some days are really, really not the best (even if we are grateful for every day we have in life). Things could always been worse though, which is something I like to always tell myself (a billion times over) when I have a bad day. But, if life had a rewind button I'm sure many of us would use it. Wouldn't you? Or am I wrong? Maybe I should create a poll on that. Yesterday was a day like that for me, today hasn't been much better....although I haven't managed to upset someone (not that I know of) today yet so that has one up on yesterday.

To that certain someone that I love very much who I kinda missed completely at the light rail station last night (despite driving around looking and subsequently that certain someone feeling like he'd been forgotten and then walking home 2 miles only to be locked out of the house wondering where if his wife and 3 children had been car-jacked, kidnapped or killed in an accident), all I can say is....forgive me. There's nothing quite like a self-esteem killer than disappointing the person you're meant to make happy. Those are the days I want to go live in a dark cave and not come out but that's a rather defeatist attitude as my husband would point out.

So, that was last night, and then today my body of course let me down, again. If my body were an actual seperate person, I don't think I'd like her very much....I'm glad my inner-spirit isn't as hard as my body is on myself (if that makes sense). I ended up with yet another medical situation that came somewhat out of the blue that landed me promptly in the doctor's office around 1pm this afternoon. I'll be ok, and I'll spare you the gory, boring details....but it is something that makes me as a mother a little sad and also a good reminder of how fragile life is. I'll let you use your imagination. No, nobody told me I only have 4 weeks left to live THANK goodness.

My lesson learned from the past 48 hours is just how quickly life can change. I guess that yesterday maybe we could have been killed in a car crash (rather than just missing our Englishman at the station...or maybe he could have just as easily gotten hurt along the way home), or today at the doctor as hard as it was, could have been worse (there I go with my age old adage again).

As much as I'd like to erase certain mistakes I make, I wouldn't ever want to not be here to mess up royally because how else can we learn to be better (or in my case at least try to be) or fully appreciate life and all sides of it? I'm still mad at myself for making my husband full of fear last night, but sure am glad we are both still here to keep each other company. With that being said, if anyone finds a remote control where I can rewind yesterday....let me know because I still would have rather not upset anyone at all, ever.