My 3 Reasons

Another long absence from blogging, another good reason, which I am choosing to keep to myself and an unfortunate few friends who have had to hear all about it.  Recently I feel like I don't have much of what I thought I would have at this age.  What I do have are 3 beautiful reasons to wake up every day, reasons to want to make this world a more beautiful one, reasons to fight when all I want to do is give up.  I am starting to believe that I was created for one soul purpose, or at least that right now, my life has one main reason for being.  That is to be a mother to the "reasons" mentioned in the lines above.  Their names are Mimi, CJ and Lilz.  I love them more than they will ever know.  One of the hardest things to do as a mother is to put your own fears, your own worries, your own worst nightmares, your own short-comings aside for the sake and well-being of your children.  I knew when they were born that I was literally charged and called to protect these little lives.  I have never wanted to mold them not into what I wanted them to be, but to take their own individual personalities that they were born with and guide them by example along the way, to help them find their own feet and love themselves in order to find their own spirits.  In the year 2000, the year my first baby was born, my world became a universe orbiting around my children. It is something I have never regretted.  When they came along, life ceased being about me and became about "we."  My little ones are no longer infants.  They are 4, 7 and 9 years old.  They can now think for themselves, talk for themselves, express themselves.  There are certain things though that they cannot do for themselves still and that is where I come in.  In some ways, they need me more right now than when they were babies.  I feel I am re-learning all over again this week what it means to truly be a mother, and I'm striving to be the best one that I can be.  I have much to learn and a lot to overcome in the near future but one thing I know is that their love for me means more to me than anything.  It means more than any worldly good.  I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.  A few years ago I saw the following passage on a friend's blog.  I knew it was so fitting for how I felt about my children and was waiting for the right time to use it.  It seems fitting today. 

  

     "You are the trip I did not take;

      You are the pearls I cannot buy;

   You are my blue Italian lake;

       You are my piece of foreign sky."

(“To My Child,” quoted in Charles L. Wallis, ed., The Treasure Chest [1965], 54)